At last, a gay gothic Dracula romance — a concept so ripe with potential it practically writes itself. And yet, here we are staring at a cover that looks like it was cobbled together in a middle school computer lab, powered entirely by Microsoft WordArt and free wallpaper downloads from 2005.
Let’s begin with the title. “Dracula Harker” is styled with all the menace of a résumé header. The giant ornamental D is eating the word “Harker” alive, but not in a brooding, vampiric way — more like an awkward group photo where one friend insists on blocking the other. Instead of gothic grandeur, we’re getting Times New Roman on cosplay night.
Now, the color scheme: red, black, and neon blue flames. Red for blood, black for mystery, blue for… why? Nothing says “centuries-old gothic passion” quite like a stock image of propane fire. It’s a background that screams desktop wallpaper chosen by someone who just discovered “right-click → set as background.” This isn’t atmospheric horror; it’s Hot Topic clipart on clearance.
Typography? A disaster buffet. The tagline “Desire, Danger, and the Undead” floats at the top like it wandered in from a paranormal dating site. “A Gay Gothic Romance” is stranded below the title like it’s being punished for honesty. And the subtitle — “Part I: From Transylvania to England” — is literally lost in the flames, like a forgotten footnote burning in digital hell. Add to that the author’s name in default blue-black, and we’ve got fonts fighting each other harder than Van Helsing in a garlic factory.
The worst crime, though, is wasted potential. This idea deserves grandeur — candlelit manors, moonlit longing, velvet shadows, menacing silhouettes. Instead, the mood we get is “metal band flyer from 2003, printed at the gas station copy machine.” It’s melodrama without artistry, a gothic romance trying to rise but dragged down by clipart flames licking at its ankles.
If Dracula saw this cover, he’d go right back to his coffin out of sheer embarrassment.