Ah, the noble fantasy epic — swords, armor, fog, and… ribbons. So many ribbons. Of Deeds Most Valiant has gallantly charged onto the scene in full regalia, only to trip over its own codpiece and land face-first into the Horrible Covers Hall of Fame.
First, let’s address the banner situation. Two enormous blue ribbons snake across the cover like the world’s fanciest duct tape, framing the art in a stranglehold. But instead of warping the text to match those grand curves, the designer just slapped on straight type. The result? Words that look like they’re sliding off the ribbon, desperately clinging on for dear life. Epic title? No. Epic typography fail? Absolutely.
Then there’s our brave heroes, emerging from the mist. Or rather, partially emerging. The poor man’s head has been chewed away by fog, leaving the impression that he wandered through a portal that shaved off part of his skull. His sword is steady, but his anatomy? Less so. And let’s talk about that codpiece — a proud, oversized hunk of metal sitting off-center like it’s trying to defect from the rest of the armor set. It’s not protection. It’s a distraction.
The woman’s armor doesn’t fare much better. Her shoulder plate has gone rogue, wrapping halfway across her chest like a metallic hug gone too far. Real pauldrons articulate. This one just decided to cosplay as a chestplate and call it a day. The effect is less “battle-ready” and more “oops, I glued the wrong piece on at the cosplay convention.”
And then there’s the lighting. Highlights on the armor shine here, fade there, and sometimes vanish entirely into the background fog. The result is a metallic mess that flattens into the same mid-tones as the scenery. Instead of heroic figures emerging with power, they look like they’re melting into the mist with their swords held out for balance.
Add the filigree frame — ornate, gold, unnecessary — and what you have is a busy, crowded cover that hides the art it’s supposed to showcase. The characters shrink into postage-stamp proportions while the ribbons scream for attention. It’s less of deeds most valiant and more of ribbons most overwhelming.
This isn’t a glorious fantasy saga. It’s a Renaissance fair poster attacked by clipart ribbons, oversized codpieces, and armor designed by committee. Valiant? Sure. Successful? Not so much.