There’s genre-bending, and then there’s You Are Summoned, a cover so wildly confused about its own identity that it looks like it was designed by a committee of wizards, interns, and one guy who thought this was an ad for a new phone app. This isn’t a portal fantasy—it’s a graphic design cry for help wrapped in an orc cosplay promo.
Let’s begin with our leading man, the chosen one: a regular guy, mid-summon, clutching his phone and looking mildly irritated—not terrified, not astonished—just vaguely annoyed like he’s about to leave a 2-star Uber review. He’s emerging from a glowing portal in the forest like someone who took a wrong turn during his jog and ended up in Skyrim. And despite the fact that an axe-wielding orc is right there, our hero is bringing the calm energy of a man checking the weather app.
Then there’s the orc, who appears to have stepped directly out of a 2004 Xbox game, complete with armor made of scrap metal and resentment. His arm is raised, axe poised, ready to cleave—though based on his expression, he’s also maybe just confused about what this guy is doing in his forest with a smartphone and dad jeans.
And don’t overlook the sorceress in the background, channeling powerful “I didn’t agree to be in this book cover” energy. Her pose says “I command the ancient elements,” but her face says, “I asked for a serious fantasy gig, not to play second fiddle to Hoodie McPortal.”
Now let’s talk font choices, which were clearly summoned from the Eldritch Realm of Inappropriate Typefaces. The title “YOU ARE SUMMONED” is splattered across the top in a distressed horror font, like it’s advertising a zombie escape room. This is not the font you use for a whimsical, reluctant-hero fantasy tale—it’s the font you use for “do not open this cursed diary.” The author’s name is in a medieval Gothic typeface, just to ensure we’ve checked every genre confusion box available.
The background is a mess of half-rendered fantasy ruins, glowing mist, and visual ambiguity. There’s supposed to be mystery, perhaps magic—but what we get is visual mush and the distinct feeling that no one involved in this project could agree on what kind of story was being told.
In short, You Are Summoned looks like a stock photo wandered into a Dungeons & Dragons campaign and nobody had the heart to tell him to leave. The result is a portal fantasy cover where every element looks like it was summoned from a different budget, and none of them are getting along.
This isn’t high fantasy. This isn’t comic fantasy.
This is fantasy in crisis.
And now you are summoned… to redesign this cover. Please. Before someone buys it by accident.