🎵 Horrible Covers Hall of Fame Entry #287: “The Tracks of My Years” – Now with 200% More Gradient Regret 🎵
Ah, “The Tracks of My Years” — a memoir that dares to ask the question: What if a vinyl record cover had a love child with a vaporwave mood board from Tumblr circa 2012?
This cover’s color palette is not so much a design choice as it is a chemical spill in a rave lighting warehouse. Somewhere between the retina-searing fuchsia, the radioactive teal, and the “burnt orange sunset after staring at the sun too long,” you begin to wonder if the designer was trying to simulate a bad acid trip at a retro record shop.
The typography is a masterclass in awkward line breaks. The title is stacked in a way that forces you to read it like a malfunctioning text-to-speech program:
THE
TRACKS
OF
MY
YEARS
Is this a memoir or a desperate cry for help in haiku form? We may never know.
The record player image should be the centerpiece — nostalgic, warm, an emblem of timeless music. Instead, it’s the visual equivalent of that one blurry concert photo your friend swears is “artsy.” Add the heavy pixel grain and it starts to feel like an undercover investigation into counterfeit disco equipment.
The subtitle “A Music-Based Memoir” reads like the publishing equivalent of your mom labeling the leftovers: Yes, this Tupperware contains lasagna. Yes, this book contains music stories. Meanwhile, the glowing author blurb at the bottom tries to convince you that this is an intellectual experience, even as the background screams “90s cyberpunk karaoke lounge.”
If the goal was to create a cover that looked like it was printed on the side of a vape shop in downtown Austin, mission accomplished.