When I hear the word subtle, I don’t expect a woman cosplaying as “Sexy Assassin #3” from a Spirit Halloween aisle. Yet here we are, standing in front of a cover that thinks subtlety is spelled C-O-R-S-E-T.
First, let’s talk about the title: Her Subtle Investigations. Nothing screams subtle like big bold frilly Victorian script plastered across the entire cover. The font looks less sleuth in the shadows and more invitation to Cousin Marjorie’s 19th-century tea party. Maybe the real investigation here is finding out why this design was approved.
And then there’s the lace divider—yes, lace. Because nothing makes you think “gritty detective intrigue” like something lifted straight off grandma’s doily collection. This cover is essentially: What if Sherlock Holmes solved crimes, but with the help of Hobby Lobby craft supplies?
Now the background. The cobblestone alley looks like a medieval postcard that was smudged in Microsoft Paint. Meanwhile, the model looks like she was photoshopped in after losing a bet. There’s no blending, no cohesion—just “plop the warrior lady on top and call it fantasy.”
And don’t think we missed that tagline: WILL HER MISSION BRING THEM TOGETHER… OR TEAR THEM APART? This is the most generic Mad Libs tagline in the history of book covers. Try it yourself:
“WILL THEIR JOURNEY BRING THEM TOGETHER… OR TEAR THEM APART?”
“WILL THIS QUEST BRING THEM TOGETHER… OR TEAR THEM APART?”
See? Boom. Instant tagline generator. No thought required.
All in all, Her Subtle Investigations is a masterclass in unsubtle design. It’s the graphic equivalent of someone sneaking into a room wearing tap shoes and blasting a foghorn.