Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the forbidden crossover event of the decade: Motorcycle Club Romance meets Discount Photoshop Night School.
On the cover of Property of Prowler, we are treated to a smoldering “romantic” embrace between two models who look like they were hired off Craigslist with the promise of “pizza and exposure.” The tattoos? Bold. The leather jacket? Mandatory. The chemistry? About as hot as a microwaved burrito.
The title is where things really shine. “Property of Prowler” – not since middle school locker graffiti has a phrase so eloquently captured the spirit of “someone definitely carved this into a bathroom stall.” And that font? It’s what happens when you tell Microsoft Word to “give me gritty” but forget to turn the printer ink setting off “low toner.”
And then, there’s the biker club emblem: A skull wearing a crown, with “Nevada” beneath it. It screams “Sons of Anarchy but designed by Hot Topic’s seasonal intern.” Somewhere out there, a 2003 Slipknot fan is crying tears of nostalgic joy.
But the true pièce de résistance? The background. Our couple is superimposed onto a grayscale Las Vegas strip like they’re about to star in a Hallmark movie called Love in Sin City: Tattoo Edition. It’s almost artistic—if by “artistic” you mean “forgot to feather the edges in Photoshop.”
To sum up: this cover is not just horrible. It’s a cultural artifact. A testament to the resilience of stock photo licensing and the enduring power of bad biker romance tropes.