Ah, Advance and Retreat, Book Six of the Dark Empire series, where the cover boldly asks the eternal question: “How much bare shoulder is too much bare shoulder?” and then immediately ignores any advice you might offer.
Let’s start with the layout. We’ve got three shirtless, smoldering men with varying degrees of conditioner usage and one woman who appears to have wandered into the shot while looking for the set of a shampoo commercial. The trio of brooding warriors encircle her like they’re auditioning for a fireman calendar, only this one is set somewhere between Game of Thrones and Intergalactic Bachelor Pad.
And then, tentacles. Yes, tentacles — curling in from all sides like Cthulhu got jealous and decided to photobomb the romance shoot. They don’t appear to be attached to anything, which is a shame because they might have offered some plot cohesion that the cover itself isn’t providing.
Beneath this love knot of biceps and cheekbones, a planet is either exploding, experiencing a particularly bad case of indigestion, or mid-transformation into a neon marble from the ‘90s. The fiery cosmic disaster is clearly unrelated to the people above it — because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from romance-in-space covers, it’s that mass planetary destruction should never interfere with perfect hair and glistening pecs.
The title font? It’s in a tasteful turquoise, because nothing says “intergalactic passion” like the shade you find on beach rental brochures. “Advance and Retreat” also sounds less like a military tactic or high-stakes drama and more like the worst weekend yoga retreat you’ve ever attended.
All in all, this cover captures the raw essence of “I have no idea what’s going on, but I assume it involves shirtlessness, mild peril, and maybe some light tentacle activity.”