There are bad covers, and then there are covers that feel like they were built entirely out of free clipart, WordArt, and stock photo leftovers. Curvy Nanny for the Cougar is one of those covers.
Front and center, we have our hero — a perfectly nice-looking guy in a plain gray t-shirt, grinning like he’s on break from modeling for a Target catalog. He looks friendly enough, but “paranormal romance” he is not. His entire vibe is more “let me tell you about this great new data plan” than “I’m about to seduce you while babysitting for a shape-shifting cougar queen.”
But the real pièce de ridicule is the cougar itself. Not an actual cougar. Not an artistic rendering. No, a bland white silhouette of a big cat plopped into the title like it’s advertising a minor league hockey team. It sits awkwardly above CURVY NANNY — which, by the way, is in screaming neon pink block letters so loud they drown out the rest of the title. Then, just to make sure the design is extra inconsistent, for the Cougar arrives in swoopy, romantic script like it wandered in from a completely different book.
And don’t think we forgot about the branding. In the corner, we’re treated to “Uncle Uzzi’s Date to Mate: A Magical Matchmaking App” — complete with hearts and wings. Nothing says “paranormal passion” like a cursed startup pitch. It makes the whole book feel less like a romance and more like the world’s worst dating app ad.
The tone is utterly confused. Are we supposed to feel enchanted? Titillated? Amused? Instead, we’re stuck staring at neon WordArt, a cougar silhouette ripped straight from Clipart Depot, and a model who looks like he’s trying to sell us home insurance.
Verdict: Yes, this is a horrible cover. It’s not curvy, it’s not cougar, it’s not nanny — it’s just a stock photo babysitting disaster with fonts loud enough to wake the dead.