If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a history teacher discovered Photoshop and tried to summon a gothic mood using only cut-and-paste magic and one crow… well, here we are.
“Dark Witch” doesn’t so much whisper of eldritch secrets and ancient curses as it screams “I downloaded all my cover assets from page one of Google Images and glued them together using a cauldron full of JPEGs and vibes.”
Let’s start with our heroine, shall we? She’s lit like she’s backstage at a 1996 Sears photo shoot, dramatically turning away from the moon as if someone just told her the entire plot of this book. The ruffled shirt says Victorian sorceress; the expression says “I asked for oat milk, and you gave me half-and-half.”
Now… that moon. It’s not just full, it’s aggressively glowing like it’s auditioning for a Twilight reboot. And what is it lighting up? Not her face, not the landscape — but apparently nothing, because light physics took the night off.
Then there’s our crow. Or raven. Or, quite possibly, some feathered stock PNG with no known species. It’s just hanging there like a visual shrug. “Sure, throw in a bird. It’s dark. It’s witchy. It’s… somewhere to the left of meaningful.”
The background features what may or may not be the forest from every early 2000s werewolf fanfic cover, complete with midnight blue overtones and digital fog for no atmospheric reason other than “we had the effect and we’re using it.” And don’t get us started on the swirling smoky borders — they’re trying to contain the chaos, but the chaos has already claimed this cover.
Even the title font feels like it was borrowed from a vampire-themed wedding invitation: serious, serifed, and under the impression that it’s classing up the place. (Spoiler: it isn’t.)
What we have here is Photoshop theater — a melodramatic mishmash of moody elements that never truly commit to style, genre, or taste. It’s not so much dark as dimly lit and directionless.
So here’s to Dark Witch — the perfect cover for when your spellbook is just a collection of free tutorials, your broom is in for repairs, and your raven has clearly flown off-script.
It’s not cursed, exactly — but it definitely needs a redesign ritual.