There are bad covers. There are ugly covers. And then there are covers that roll in on a pile of glowing dead turtles, plant a flag of pure confusion, and shout “I am art!”
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Full Throttle Savage — Book 1 in a series that looks like it was illustrated in MS Paint by someone who just discovered how to use the fill tool.
Let’s dive right into the sludge pile. Literally. Because our hero is standing atop a mountain of suspiciously identical rocky turtle corpses oozing lime-green toxic goo. It’s not clear what he’s conquered, but it appears to be radioactive mutant tortoises, and I sincerely hope there’s a support group for them.
The character himself is giving strong “unpaid extra in a local LARP” energy — awkward pose, stiff anatomy, and a sword that looks like it weighs less than a paper towel roll. And then there’s the flag. If “flag design” was a quiz, this one would be flagged for plagiarism, pixelation, and poor flag etiquette. The angle is physically impossible, and it looks like he’s waving around a promotional sign for a vape shop.
Now let’s talk about the landscape — or should I say, the 2.5D wasteland of orange mush. Mountains in the distance appear to have been added as an afterthought with a warm brush tool. The sky? A flat, muddy brown that could either be a dust storm or a coffee spill. It’s hard to tell. Artistic ambiguity, right?
Then we have the typography. Oh boy.
“FULL THROTTLE SAVAGE” in chrome-gradient green, because nothing says sci-fi like… monster truck decals? It’s unclear what genre this is aiming for, but the font choices scream Monster Energy Drink Presents: A Hero’s Journey. “BOOK 1” is tossed in the corner like it got grounded for misbehaving, and “INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLING AUTHOR” is crammed in at the bottom like a badge of hope trying to rescue the layout. Spoiler: it can’t.
And what’s with the mysterious floating pyramids? Did a couple of Stargate knockoffs crash into this scene mid-render?
Overall, this cover is what happens when genre clichés are thrown in a blender, but someone forgot to put the lid on. Sci-fi? Fantasy? Post-apocalyptic? Saturday morning cartoon with a grimdark filter? It’s trying to be everything — and ends up being nothing at all.
This isn’t Full Throttle Savage.
It’s Full Throttle Chaos… with the art direction of a paintball field poster and the design sensibility of an off-brand video game called Savage Simulator 1997.
Mr. Yanez, you may be a bestselling author — but your cover designer? They need to put the throttle in reverse.