There are bad covers. There are weird covers. And then there is this.
Opening this visual potion feels like falling face-first into an overgrown terrarium after downing three shots of rose quartz–infused moon water. Our central figure, a pastel elf straight out of an unfinished DeviantArt commission, stares out with dead-inside Barbie eyes and lips like she just kissed a glitter glue stick. She’s wrapped in a dress that’s maybe a flower, maybe a melting ice cream sundae—hard to tell because your corneas are still processing the background.
Said background? A wallpaper explosion of botanicals that look stolen from a Victorian field guide, only every plant has been Photoshopped to be just slightly too erotic. Seriously, half of these seed pods look like they escaped from a botanical version of Fifty Shades of Green.
Hovering above this fever meadow is the title, clumsily plopped onto a teal jellybean blob as if to say, “Yes, we had the text tool, but we feared the text tool.” The word “GLAMOUR” is rendered in a bubblegum pink font that looks like it was peeled from a 2007 MySpace profile header, then laminated for extra mystical energy. And the author’s name? Also bubblegum pink, as if to really hammer home that graphic design is a feeling, not a skill.
The vibe is “magical empowerment,” but the execution is “Elf Barbie’s field trip to Hobby Lobby.” If this is alchemy, it’s the kind where you accidentally turn gold into a clearance bin at a failing metaphysical shop.