Somewhere out there, in the galaxy of Photoshop folders, exists the original stock photo of this man. He probably never expected his likeness to be cut, pasted, and unceremoniously launched into the vacuum of space like a floating head that missed its Uber to the actual starship. But here we are, staring at what looks less like a space opera hero and more like a bored guy in cosplay stranded in front of a cosmic Windows screensaver.
Let’s talk about those “interstellar cruisers.” Spaceships should inspire awe, terror, or at least a vague sense of propulsion. Instead, these look like mismatched dinner plates hurled into orbit. They’re just… hovering, weightless and consequence-free, like a UFO toy photographed on someone’s porch. Combine that with the poor blending (or should I say lack thereof) and you’ve got what amounts to the world’s least convincing fleet.
And then there’s the lighting — or rather, three different light sources competing in a cosmic Thunderdome. The planets are lit with ethereal glow, the ships with… absolutely nothing, and our protagonist’s face with what can only be described as “fluorescent bulb from the office supply closet.” The result? He looks like he wandered in from a mall portrait studio, only to find himself photobombing Saturn’s weird cousin.
If this is the envoy Heaven’s sending, maybe Earth should just return to sender.