Welcome, holiday masochists, to the seasonal bonfire of design sins that is Kindling the Flame: A Second Chance Christmas Collection. Nothing says “romance” quite like a man looking half-possessed, a woman staring wistfully at the ceiling, and a mistletoe prop that might’ve been yanked from a 2007 PowerPoint template. Spoiler alert: this isn’t kindling anything but regret.
Let’s start with the most obvious offender—our central couple. These two look like they’ve never met, never touched, and were Photoshopped together by someone who thinks “blending modes” are optional. The man’s head is bowed in shame, possibly after seeing the final mock-up. His hand floats midair, dislocated and haunted. Meanwhile, she’s gazing heavenward, probably begging to be released from this stock photo purgatory.
Now let’s talk mistletoe. Ah yes, the star of the show. Hovering between them like a radioactive brussels sprout, it dangles from her wrist with all the grace of a last-minute craft project. Why is it there? Is she offering it? Attacking him with it? Holding a shriveled hostage from the North Pole?
The font buffet is where the real crime unfolds. We’ve got curly scripts and stern serif fonts thrown together like a typography potluck gone wrong. And just when you thought your eyes were done twitching, the entire cast list is crammed up the right-hand side like the world’s most festive obituary column. You can practically hear the design software begging for mercy.
And don’t forget the background! A blurry fireplace, aggressively red drapes, and enough floating snow particles to choke a snow globe. It’s Christmas! It’s romance! It’s a Victorian hostage situation draped in tinsel and regret!
For a book promising warmth and rekindled love, this cover gives all the vibes of “Photoshop Final Project: Week One.” If this is a second chance, may we humbly suggest it’s time for a third.
This one doesn’t just roast chestnuts—it incinerates design dignity in a flurry of filters and flammable fonts.
Let’s all agree: sometimes, the real gift is a good designer.