Nothing says “small town charm” quite like a digitally generated demigod with the suspiciously waxy sheen of an AI dream boy who just woke up flawless at the golden hour. Welcome to Once Upon a Small Town Secret, where the biggest secret isn’t what’s in the story — it’s what on earth happened to the cover.
Let’s begin with Prince Plastic Hair himself, whose cheekbones were clearly rendered by an algorithm fed a steady diet of Nordic modeling catalogs and hair product ads. His face is centered like a mugshot for a shampoo commercial, but those eyes? Soullessly perfect. The AI can’t decide if he’s smoldering or smirking, and neither can we. He’s lit like he’s in a cologne ad, yet bathed in lighting that doesn’t match the twilight bokeh blob behind him. Is he outside a charming café or inside a fever dream? Hard to tell when the background is a melted Monet.
And then… oh, the typography. It’s as if the fonts were assigned by a caffeinated raccoon with access to Canva Pro and no parental supervision. We’ve got a dainty script, a modern serif, lowercase pink, all caps white — each word in the title is doing its own thing like a dysfunctional family at Thanksgiving. “Once Upon” is whimsical romance, “a small town” is demure chick lit, and “secret” is the thriller font from your cousin’s Wattpad drama. It’s the font equivalent of a genre identity crisis.
Let’s not ignore the tragic text placement, either. “Once Upon” is awkwardly wedged above “a small town secret” in what appears to be a forced font sandwich. And don’t get us started on how “Claire Kirby” floats at the bottom in sterile white like a corporate signature from HR.
The cover blur-fades into black at the bottom like it gave up halfway through — which, let’s face it, might be what the designer did. With no visual clues about plot, setting, or even tone, we’re left with nothing but pixel-perfect cheekbones and a palette that screams “romance?” while whispering “design school dropout.”
Final Diagnosis:
This isn’t a small-town secret — it’s a small-town scandal. A romantic thriller fairytale mystery with a protagonist who may or may not be 3D printed. Clean up the fonts, fire the AI model, and give us a cover with an actual story to tell — preferably one that wasn’t generated during a mid-tier prompt session.