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There’s a special kind of cover that looks like it was designed during a particularly uninspired lunch break—with Clip Studio open, a vector brush trembling, and zero supervision. Swords and Spells and Homicide boldly asks: what if a cozy fantasy murder mystery was illustrated entirely in Microsoft Paint, but make it medieval?
Let’s start with the warrior protagonist, who seems to have been forged from polygons and indecision. Her torso geometry makes zero anatomical sense—like she’s part-woman, part-Lego minifigure. Her right arm bends in a way that suggests either a grievous injury or a failed 3D rig. And the “fierce” expression? She looks like she’s squinting at the checkout screen of an online sword store. We’re told she’s ready for homicide, but she seems more ready for a customer service call.
Now, what fantasy epic would be complete without… a pug in a cape and crown? This royal pooch stares directly into our souls, tongue out, head slightly cocked, fully detached from any narrative context. Is he the killer? The victim? The reincarnation of King Arthur? We’ll never know, because the illustration provides no visual logic—just a pug, awkwardly floating next to what looks like a melted ice cream scoop in a dog costume.
And then there’s the background. A taupe-and-grey pinstripe void? Excellent choice if you want your book to look like it’s set inside a dentist’s waiting room. There’s a faint oval shape that might be a portal, a wall, or a giant deflated macaron. Your guess is as good as the artist’s.
Typography, meanwhile, has fully given up. “Swords and Spells and” comes in a plain, overly light sans-serif font, like it wandered in from a cheap Etsy printable. Then “HOMICIDE” appears in all-caps, blood red, and offset—because nothing screams “quirky cozy mystery” like a surprise horror title font jammed in for shock value. This isn’t typographic contrast—it’s a visual jump scare.
And let’s not ignore the title hierarchy disaster. Patti Larsen’s name is crammed in the bottom in a bland serif that desperately wants to be taken seriously—but sorry Patti, it’s hard to be solemn when your heroine’s sword is threatening a cartoon pug who may or may not be your co-protagonist.
Ultimately, this isn’t cozy, mysterious, or fantasy. It’s a medieval fever dream rendered in community-college vector art, where perspective goes to die and proportions are more of a suggestion than a rule. It might be charming if it knew what it was doing—but instead, it’s an identity crisis wrapped in clip art.
Final verdict: The real homicide here is what happened to graphic design.