This cover is not just decking the halls—it’s burning the whole design curriculum down in a pine-scented blaze of fonts, crocodiles, and Christmas confusion. The Chapel at the Pines is here to answer the question no one asked: What if a Hallmark holiday painting collided with a clipart sticker book from 2003?
Let’s start with the crime scene in progress: the typography. We’ve got five—count ‘em, five—different fonts slugging it out for dominance. There’s the classic serif trying to bring dignity to “THE,” a jarringly red version clashing its way through “CHAPEL,” glowing radioactive green for “THE PINES,” a slapdash sans-serif in the “Miss Fortune World” badge, and just when you think you’ve seen it all—BAM—a children’s book font on a cartoon alligator’s sign. This isn’t just a design choice; it’s a ransom note written in Christmas cheer.
Speaking of the alligator: what is he doing here? Nothing screams cozy Christmas mystery like a bug-eyed reptile in a Santa hat holding a sign. It looks like someone dropped in a sticker from an entirely different book, possibly a different genre, or planet. The gator seems more prepared to teach preschoolers about sharing than to guide us through a holiday caper. Did he wander in from a children’s coloring book and just… never leave?
And then there’s the background: a painting of a chapel, warmly lit, softly inviting… and completely hijacked by the front-facing typographical assault. Any atmosphere the image might’ve had is buried under layers of glowing text, cheerfully inconsistent shadows, and clipart clutter. It’s as if a Norman Rockwell piece was interrupted by someone yelling “We need more fonts! And a mascot!”
“Deck the halls with schemes and folly,” the subtitle says. And oh, how they delivered—though I suspect the real scheme was hiding the lack of cohesive design beneath the distraction of red and green and a cartoon croc.
This isn’t just a cover. It’s a holiday hostage situation where good taste was tied up in the back and replaced by the Ghost of Design Choices Past. Merry Christmas, here’s your eye strain.
Would you like to nominate this one for the Flying Monkey Award? Because it’s definitely got wings.