Some book covers sink. Some book covers swim. The Kepler Incident doesn’t even make it off the dock before face-planting into the murky waters of bad design.
Let’s start with that subtitle: A Sexy Shipwreck Tale. Nothing kills the mood quite like the word “shipwreck” rubbing up against “sexy.” You can practically smell the mildew. And the font? Basic serif with a glow that screams PowerPoint 2003. This isn’t hot — it’s homework.
Then there’s the imagery. We’ve got the skeletal remains of a ship, shrouded in mist, inside what looks suspiciously like a soap bubble. And just to crank up the weirdness, a random woman’s disembodied head floats inside, smirking like she knows exactly how ridiculous this looks. Instead of alluring mystery, we’re getting Ghost in a Snow Globe.
And what’s this? A giant “Veronica Consignium” seal stamped on the corner, like the book’s been certified by the International Association of Poorly Placed Stickers. It clogs up the already confusing design and makes it feel less like a novel and more like a free giveaway flyer at a convention no one wanted to attend.
Finally, the author’s name: SaddleTramp1956. That’s not a name, that’s a throwback AIM username. Seeing it emblazoned across the bottom is like finding “HotRider69” autographed on the Declaration of Independence. Instant tone-breaker.
This isn’t a shipwreck tale. This is a design shipwreck — and no amount of “sexy” is going to salvage it.